Backstage of Malik and Tea
by Fox-san
Summary: Ever thought what it takes to play a certain legend? You just need actors and staff. Easy huh? Well, nothing goes easy with YGO gang.


_A/N: A total parody of Tragedy/Drama legend. After this I will post the real story, just got an idea while talking to friends. XD _

_Thanks a world DIS and yeah, you can keep Jupiter if you wish._

I don't own neither Yu-Gi-Oh! nor Jurate and Kastytis, the legend.

**Backstage of Malik and Tea**

The director stood outside the door, rubbing his forehead wearily. He already knew how it was going to go. They were going to start hell and that was the precise reason why he had smoked more than six cigarettes before he planned on entering. He clutched the script in his hand, breathing in deeply and then entered.

"Yu-Gi-Oh gang…" He began; they started to whisper, making his face twitch madly, before he roared, "All right, shut up! I'm here to tell you that you are going to be taking part in a play...Er...Movie...Well...Whatever! It includes the gods and – "

"I'm going to be a god!" Yami shouted sanding up, clenching his fists.

"Why should you?" Bakura demanded with a glare.

"Because I am Pharaoh!" The other male scoffed with a smirk.

"You mean, you _were_."

"You trying to start something, thief?" Yami growled.

"Shut up, will you?" The director growled. Everyone looked at him – reluctantly. "This story will be called Malik and Tea…"

"Hey, why do I get paired with that wench?" Malik demanded of the director, his eyes narrowing in revulsion.

"I am not a wench!" Tea informed him with a dirty look at him. Malik opened his mouth, but the director cut in.

"As I was_ saying_…"

"Yeah, why Tea? I can take her part!" Serenity declared

"Or me!" Mai stood up indignantly.

"Uh, Serenity, you're too young and Mai… you're… not good for a pure sea goddess…" The director told them, with an uncertain glance towards Mai, who glared at him.

"What? You want to add something, Mr. Hot-shot!"

"Er, no," he assured her. "As I said before, Tea is going to be a sea goddess and – "

"I'm going to be a sea goddess! Awesome! I get to have an awesome part," Tea grinned, full of pride for herself.

"Alright! Now, we need a thunder God and that will be…" The director rubbed his chin, looking at the group with a contemplative look.

"Me!" Marik roared, standing up and grabbing the director by the collar. "You will make me Thunder God, you inferior being!"

"Like hell you will!" Yami shoved him away from the director, glowering.

"Oh, is that so?" Marik demanded with a cocky, arched eyebrow. "And why is that, Pharaoh? Huh? Huh?"

"You aren't," the director told him coldly with a glower at being man-handled by the porcupine head as he called him. In turn, Marik glared at him warningly. "As I said before, the Thunder God shall be – "

"Me!" Bakura decided with a confident look on his face.

"No, me!" Malik retorted.

"Nuh-uh, it's gonna be me!" Joey said with a grin, which made everyone start to laugh. "What! What's wrong with me?"

"No, you morons," the director snapped with a glare. "The Thunder God will be Yami." Yami gave a whoop of glee.

"Take that, losers!" He said with a smirk. The director sighed and turned back to the script.

"Malik shall be the fisherman – "

"What! What's up with _that_? That loser of a Pharaoh gets to be a frickin' Thunder God and _I_ have to be stupid fisherman? He doesn't deserve that role! I don't deserve this role! It's inhumane! It's immoral! It's – "

"All right, shut up!" He snapped. "Marik, _you_ be the fisherman then."

"No way in all the corners of the Earth and regions of Hell." The director sighed.

"I can be the fisherman," Ryou spoke up

"No, I have another role for you, Ryou," he told the British boy, thinking, _I need a drink._

"Aw, hell no! That pansy is going to be a god, isn't he? You're making that wanna-be man a god, aren't you!"

"Shut up! I'm making him a more important role than a god."

"Oh yeah? What's that? Huh? Huh? Tell me!"

"Yeah, why does my weak abiou get an important role and I get nothing?" Bakura demanded, glaring.

"He's going to be a fish."

(sweat drop, anime fall)

"Take that, abiou!" Ryou sweat dropped at Bakura.

"Now, Malik, you're going to be a (bleeping) fisherman or else!" The director snapped.

"Oh really? Or else what, Pinocchio?" Bakura blinked, mouthing 'Pinocchio' to Marik, who looked ashamed.

"Oh," the director smirked, his eyes glinting darkly, "you want to know?"

"Er...No, I think I'll pass. Fisherman it is."

"Good, now everyone shut your mouths… Malik – fisherman, Yami – Thunder God, Tea – sea goddess, Mai – Malik's mother, Ishizu – Tea's friend and a wise fish, Ryou, Mokuba, Yugi, Marik, Bakura, Pegasus, Kaiba – dancing fishes, Joey, and Tristan – cancers, Duke – octopus, Serenity – Tea's friend the good fish. Any questions?"

"YES!" Everyone bellowed. The director gave a sigh, thinking, _Mondays...I just remembered why I hate them._

"Okay, shoot it."

"Bakura! What are you doing!" Yugi jumped onto Bakura, who had a gun in his hand to shoot something.

"Get off of me, you insane midget! He said shoot it!" Bakura told him, shoving Yugi, who looked teary at being called a midget, off of him.

"He meant for us to shoot at asking our questions, right director?" Ryou asked, innocent as always.

"Right." _Thank God for intelligent people._

"We hate our parts!" They all told him with a glare, excluding Yuugi, Yami, Ryou, and Tea.

"Well too bad, you whiny teenagers. You'll play these parts," he waved the script at them, "or else, got it?" He glared at them warningly. Their eyes widened and they nodded mutely. "Good, then let's go."

Minutes later, everyone was in their places and the first act started with the narrator's (director's) words. Mai was at the shore, smiling and waving at Malik.

"What a crap," Malik muttered to himself, "I'm going to drown in the frickin' boat. And I was _so_ looking forward to that." Well, someone was feeling bitter and sarcastic.

Mai was still smiling and waving, thinking, _How long am I going to have to smile like this for God sakes?_

"Malik left on a boat to catch some fishes and his mother watched him off." Pause... "Mai, you can leave now," the director shouted to her. Mai blinked, then ran as fast as she could. "Right...Now, fishes!" Ryou, Mokuba, Yugi, Pegasus, Kaiba swam wearing fish costumes.

"I hate myself…" Kaiba grumbled swimming randomly.

"Weee! This is fun!" Yugi cheered happily swimming together with Ryou.

"Hey Malik, couldn't you get a better boat? This one looks like crap. You're ganna drown in it." Kaiba acknowledged him.

"Shut up Kaiba!" Malik barked back. "Or I'll fry you… or yet better, bring _you_ Mai for _dinner_!" Kaiba glared at the boy, however said nothing, just swam around thinking, _How I hate myself. _

"I'm not going out in this costume," Marik told the director with a glower.

"Marik!" The director scowled. Marik ignored him, sticking his tongue out immaturely. "Bakura, drag him out into the sea." Bakura followed Marik's gesture and he turned to Yugi, who merely shrugged, saying, "Common guys." The other two males smirked.

"Uh, take it easy," Yugi told them, flinching.

"Just touch him and I'll fry you!" They heard Yami. They all looked up and saw Yami sitting on the cloud holding lightning.

"Who made you God!" Bakura shouted lifting up his should be fist.

"He did." Yami pointed to director.

"Grr..." The director appeared behind the three and shoved them in. "Into the water!"

"Marik, you idiot!" Bakura sputtered as the other male clung onto him. "Get off of me, you'll kill us both!"

"I can't swim, though," Marik told him, shivering.

_You have to be kidding me,_ Bakura thought. Then Malik pulled Bakura, Marik, Yuugi, and Ryou into his boat, grunting, "You are frickin' heavy!"

"No," Marik countered, "_you're_ weak."

"You want me to toss you into the water?" Malik demanded with a glare.

"(OO) No!" The blonde latched onto Malik's leg immediately.

"Let me go, you idiot!" Malik shook him off, scowling.

"No offence Malik, but your boat is total crap." Bakura commented.

"Get on with the script, you _all_ are idiots!" The director shouted before Malik could say a word. Suddenly Tea appeared in a bra and fish tail. The males in the boat blinked, then started to snicker and drool.

"Good thing were in the water, ne?" Pegasus whispered to Kaiba who nodded.

"(OO;;) I donno you!" Kaiba shouted swimming to Mokuba.

"She's hot." Mokuba said staring at Tea.

"She is, isn't she?" Kaiba nodded.

"Uh… Seto, what's that?" Mokuba asked pointing to Duke. He was in octopus costume and all eight legs where standing.

"Uh… Duke…" Seto said slowly hoping his brother wouldn't ask any more questions.

"Shouldn't he be octopus?" Mokuba inquired.

"That's a new specie…" Seto explained. Mokuba looked at him in disbelief, but Seto's face was cold. He took some water in his mouth to keep it shut. When Mokuba looked away, Seto spit it out. _Disgusting_, he thought frowning.

"Uh Seto, I hope no one's mind, I did pee in it minutes ago." Mokuba whispered to his older brother.

"(x.x) No one will mind. Just don't tell them." Seto whispered back to his already ashamed brother.

"What the hell! Why am I in this?" Tea demanded. The director sighed, shaking his head. Then she remembered, "Oh yeah, I'm Sea Goddess! Hehehe!"

"On to the script, _please_." The director called. Tea nodded, ignoring the stares the men were giving her.

"Malik dearest – er..._dearest!_"

"A-_hem_," the director motioned with his hands to keep going.

"Er...Malik dearest, please let my fish swim free!" Tea pleaded.

"Sure," Malik smirked and kicked them all into the water.

"You (bleeping) asshole, just wait until I catch you!" Marik roared, sputtering, choking on water.

"I can't believe this..." the director muttered, then called, "Malik, you're supposed to say 'no' so that she can invite you to your home."

"What!" Yami suddenly roared, appearing from the clouds.

"A little too late for that..." Malik told the director.

"Oh for God sakes..." the director slapped his face. "Anyway, Tea, invite him!"

"Where?"

"(-.-) To your home... Your amber palace…"

"I have amber castle!" Tea shouted almost jumping into the water.

"Yes you do. Now invite him."

"No way!"

"Then how is he going to _drown_?" He asked with raised eyebrows. Yami blinked, then grinned maliciously.

"I can help with that," he fired a lightning bolt at the boat and Malik fell in, choking on water, drowning. Everyone just looked at him.

"Okay, now, Tea, save him," the director instructed.

"Er...Didn't you say...?"

"YES! But now you have to save him!"

"Why?"

"JUST DO IT, DAMMIT!"

"Fine, don't get yourself in a huff..." Tea swam to Malik's aid and dragged him to her amber castle. "Uh...He's not breathing."

"You have to kiss him so that – "

"Uh, _kiss_ him? The hell if I will!"

"He'll die if you don't!"

"You made up this story, _you_ kiss him, you homosexual!" The director's eye twitched and he counted to ten.

"If you don't kiss him, Marik will hunt you down, you realize that?"

"Who cares?"

"If you don't (bleeping) kiss him, I'll blackmail you and say that you – "

"(OO) Okay, I got it!"

Tea leans down and kisses Malik. Malik wraps his arms around her waist returning the kiss. They break up and look at each other.

"Wow..." both say, then start kissing again.

"Oh _nice_," the director muttered, rubbing his eyes wearily.

Yugi and Ryou blushed, saying, "Go get a room" while Marik and Bakura watched, eating popcorn.

"Hey, what are they doing right there?" Mai asked, curious.

"Tea is trying to bring Malik back to life. Pop corn?" Marik explained as briefly as possible.

"Malik or his member?" Mai inquired taking a pop corn. Something suddenly dawned on Marik and he blinked.

"Damn! Why didn't I agree to being fisherman!" He demanded of himself, spilling popcorn everywhere, making Bakura glare at him.

"That's enough!" Director shouted. "On to the part two!" He said and after few minutes Tea was sitting in her amber throne and Malik was sitting next to her. Malik looked at his script and grinned.

"Hey, Tea. Fishes should dance now. Imagine Marik, Bakura and Seto dancing?" he whispered to chocolate hair girl. Tea thought for a moment then grinned.

"This should be fun." They both grinned at each other.

"Alright, you excuse for humanity! Back to your places, now! Fishes, crabs and octopus, take your places! Music! Start dancing! And –"

"I'm not dancing!" Seto shouted.

"What?" Director glared at him.

"I'm not dancing, you asshole!"

"Neither us!" Bakura said standing next to Seto and Marik. Director sighed and looked up.

"Yami, fire some lightnings, will you?" Director asked. Yami nodded grinning. "Alright, everyone back to places! And – action!" Music started to play. Crabs and octopus walked out dancing fishes following them. Pegasus swung Serenity around. Director was enjoying the show then he looked at three fishes that were not dancing. He looked up and nodded to Yami. Yami grinned and fired few lightnings into Seto, Bakura and Marik.

"You bastard!" They all shouted jumping up and down in all directions. Tea and Malik started to laugh.

"Just wait till this… play is over…" Marik said catching his breath.

"You'll pay pharaoh!" Bakura said standing up.

"And I'll help them." Seto stood up.

"Alright, you losers! The break is over!" Director said and everyone got to their places growling.

"Yami, do the honors of crushing Amber Palace," director commanded with a careless wave of a hand.

"Hell no, that's _my_ amber!" Kaiba shouted.

"Half of it is mine!" Pegasus shouted from the middle of the sea. He was racing Serenity.

"Yami?" He prodded.

"With pleasure!" Yami beamed.

Yami fires few lightings and amber palace crushes into the pieces. Joey and Tristan carried Malik and Tea on the shore. Malik and Tea walked on the shore, staring at the ruins.

"My palace..."

"Yeah."

"Why me?" Duke said standing up; his costume was dark brown now. "What did I do to you?"

"Sorry, Duke." Yami smiled sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

"Curse you Yami!" Malik shouted looking up. Yami frowned a bit seeing Tea lean into Malik.

"It's hard to walk in this damn thing." Tea complained pointing to her tail.

"Ok Yami, now you can hit Malik. With lightning," the director told him.

"Got it!"

Yami fires but Malik jumps away.

"You're supposed to stay in place," the director growled, annoyed.

"Oh, _okay_," Malik said sarcastically. "I'll stand idly by while I get struck by lightning and _die_."

Ignoring his sarcasm, the director called, "Staff!" They pinned Malik to the ground, smirking. "Okay, Yami, hit him. Everyone back to the script."

"Die mortal!" Yami struck Malik with lightning a couple times, smirking.

"Cut, Tea!" The director turned to her. "You're supposed to cover Malik."

"No way, I don't wanna die!"

"(-.-) You will _not_ die," he assured her.

"Well, all right, I'll try then."

"Malik, are you ready?" Malik just laid on the ground, having a murderous look on his face. "Someone help him up."

"Up we go, chap," Ryou chirped, helping Malik up.

"Why me?" Malik muttered to himself.

"And – action!"

"Die mortal, Tea is mine!" Yami declared, shooting a lightning bolt down.

"No, Malik!" Tea screeched, bowing down low so that Malik got hit.

"Tea!" The director roared in anger.

"_Sorry_," she apologized as he rubbed his temples.

"Just get Malik to his feet..."

Malik groaned, mumbling, "If you move, I am going to kill you." Tea nodded mutely, wide-eyed.

"And...Action!"

"Die mortal, Tea is mine!" Yami repeated like last time.

"No, Malik!" Tea cried, shielding him, but is pulled down, by Yugi, who gave a dopey smile.

"You lost your earring," he told her, still grinning.

"(X.X) Thanks Yugi..."

Malik gets hit by a lightning and falls down unconscious.

"Just great, we need a substitute," the director grumbled.

After 10 minutes Marik is dragged into the stage.

"WHY ME? (Y.Y)"

"Do we need to stick you as well?" Mai asked from the sidelines.

"No..." he turned to Tea, giving her an impassive look saying in a dangerous tone, "You even _twitch _and you've got a ticket straight to the Shadow Realm." Tea's jaw dropped, then she gulped and nodded.

"Let's try this again..." The director took a deep breath. "And – action!"

"Die mortal! T – "

"Who are you calling mortal!"

"SCRIPT!" The director reminded them.

"Die mortal! Tea is mine!"

"No, Malik!

"You better shield me!" Marik told her, holding her by the shoulders. The lightning struck Tea, knocking her unconscious. "You _moron_, you killed her!" Yami stared, his jaw slack.

"Tea!" Clouds gathered, hiding Yami.

"I am stronger than you! She fell in love with _me_!"

"Well, actually Malik," Ryou observed thoughtfully.

"Zip it, Brit-boy." Ryou just muttered something unkind under his breath at being called 'Brit-boy'.

"Cut! Thanks everyone!" Director sighed. _At last, it's **over**_.

"Here's the video." Staff member said hading director a video.

"What video." Joey asked.

"The movie, moron!" Director grumbled.

"However, lightings were not too bright and…"

"No big deal, we'll let the special effect staff to do that." He said waving his hand, walking away. Just then, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Director… You owe me a ton of amber." Seto said with a pissed look.

_Just great_, director thought glaring. "Then go to Lithuania, to the sea and take it. It still throws amber there." He walked away.

"Who's going to wake Tea up?" Yugi asked looking at Tea.

"Me!" Malik shouted.

"No me!" Bakura ran to Tea.

"I'm going to wake her up." Marik said hitting Bakura on the head. However, Tea was already waking up in Ryou's hands.

"Wha… what happened?" She asked sitting up and saw Malik, Yami, Marik, and Bakura staring at her. She looked at herself. "I need to change."

"We can help you!" Malik, Yami, Marik and Bakura shouted in union.

"Uh… Ryou…" She clung into him wrapping her arms around his neck. Ryou blushed madly. Everyone glared at him.

"Uh… chaps… take it easy…" Ryou said lifting his hands up. Tea just tightened her grip.

And that's the end of the story. On the shores of Lithuania, waves still throws amber…

"Get back here Ryou!" Bakura shouted as he, Malik, Marik and Yami were chasing Ryou.

"Ryou, RUN!" Tea shouted as Yugi tried to help her up.

"Where ya goin Seto?" Joey asked.

"To Lithuania! To get MY amber!" Seto said.

"Kaiba-boy, wait! I'm going with you!" Pegasus shouted catching up.

"In a fish costumes?" Serenity blinked looking at the two walking out in a golden and red fish costumes.

…The End?

A/N: would be nice to know what you all think. First time I'm doing this, so… yeah…


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